Thursday, October 27, 2011

The Stupid Bone

My dog, Britt, has a stupid bone. It is located between her eyes and is connected by a nerve to her nose. Usually Britt is a smart girl who has mastered all the doggie commands, sit, stay , come and what not, but out of the house and fenced yard, her brain turns to mush and the stupid bone takes over.

This morning the bone took over her whole body.

It's raining. This is a good thing, but not for the dog. She hasn't gotten a bath yet this week so combine wet dirty dog and muddy paws and you have the state of my front entrance way. The compassionate mom in me offered the garage, a pillow and chew toys. All she needed to do was her business... outside.

The business being done went from circling to hunt mode in no time flat. Hunt mode transitioned into chase that squirrel mania. Then the stupid bone took over. This is where my dog plants her nose in the ground and her ears turn off. Cue me screaming her name. Once the stupid bone took over, it morphed my otherwise kind and nice dog into a freak. Let the chase begin.

It should be known that I was not yet dressed for the day. My hair was greasy and wet and I was running (yelling at the top of my lungs) down the street in my pajamas and flip flops (No bra either so I looked ultra classy). Britt thought this was good fun and kept up the chase for a half mile where she found a dead armadillo. This is where I gacked. Britt, in the crowning moment of her immense stupidity, laid down and rolled in week old, mushy armadillo guts. Not only was she thrilled at this vile turn of events, she also wanted me to participate by jumping all over me and rubbing against my legs.

I screamed. Really, I am not sure what came over me. Apparently I have my own stupid bone and it is activated when my skin comes in contact with marinated roadkill. I lost the last shred of dignity I possessed and rugby tackled the bloody dog, wrestled her to the ground and yelled not so nice and yet perfectly appropriate berating statements about her intelligence (in full view of my gawking neighbors).

By the time we got back to the house, we were both drenched. Regardless, I hosed her down and washed her and when she was clean, I hosed myself down. It was a cold, cold morning.

Right now, Britt the Wonder Dog is sitting on the back porch, munching on a chew toy without a care in the world. I went out to pet her and she is as sweet and calm as ever. Sit, stay, come. Her stupid bone is dormant again.


  1. I laughed so hard when i read this story! That used to be my fear when we fostered the weim. I honestly would worry that she would find some dead, rotting animal and roll around in it and then jump on me. It never happened luckily because I would have screamed too.

  2. Well, wasn't that nice of me to experience the grossness for you? Blech! It still gives me the willies!