I. AM. ALIVE!!!
Just barely. Anyone who has taken a vacation with all boys and as a lone parent KNOWS what I am talking about. The insanity... it was all around me.
But that doesn't explain WHY I took an entire month off writing on this blog. The reason for no bog entries is simple. I had nothing to write. The blog muse was giving me silent treatment like the mean soul that he is. I have since kicked his lazy butt in gear.
As for the vacation of DOOM... I took my sons to (drum roll, please) Texas. Wow, of all places, right? Yeah, well, here in the south, sometimes you just have to go farther south and there is no explaining it. In my case I went to San Antonio because, lets face it, it's the closest I'm ever going to get to California on a Spring Break.
There is an unwritten rule in the South: Niceness is a fact of life. They eat breathe and sleep being nice. Those who aren't nice, aren't born and bred in the South. On my trip, the nice folks of the South really tried hard to outdo each other. It was Nice Fest on crack. As we went to Sea World, I left my driver side window down on my brand spanking new car, a twenty tossed on the passenger seat and my diamond wedding ring fully visible through the back window. Not only were there no takers, Parking Lot Security dudes drove by several times to make sure I was okay. How nice. To top it off, I got a $30 discount on admission that day. Why? I haven't a clue. The ticket lady only explained with a "y'all have a nice day now" (which in Southern speak sound more like... y'all hayve ah nayce dae nah).
A day later, at the Alamo, I was doing my civic duty and buying a tacky tourist trinket to go with all my other tacky tourist trinkets when I accidentally elbowed a lady in the boob. She wasn't very nice and slapped my arm. An older fellow stepped in and told her "That's not how we do it here in Texas." I almost opened my wise cracking mouth and said "how do you Texans do it? Upside down?" Missy cranky pants stormed off and the dude brushed me off with a "Y'all okay there, little lady?" Luckily for me, I kept my incredulous giggle inside until I was outside and well out of hearing. *snort* Little Lady. That's funny right there.
And so, the niceness continues. We had lunch at Fuddruckers (which springs all sorts of mental images into my head and trust me, none of them are good) where I stood, open mouthed at the menu. Southerners like their food and they like it nice and fattening. 1 pound burgers?!?!?! They had to be kidding! I held up the line too long, but NOBODY complained. The cashier was actually nice when I fumbled through my order and asked him to make my patty about half size and cook the living daylights out of that sucker (another texan thing: they like their beef still mooing). That Southern drawling hottie smiled. Yes! Smiled! Then he tacked on a free drink. Why? I dunno. All he said was "Y'all have a nice day, ya hear!" Yes, Sir!
The rest of my trip was a blur. I got Ma'am-ed a LOT, and without fail switched to a "Miss" when the fellow saying it was over fifty (makes me feel better about my age). I was smiled at, pardoned and (not kidding) told I just looked to sweet to be touring the retired USS Lexington (old air craft carrier) and guns and war were not for nice young ladies. I blushed. If only he knew.
Anyway, I am back now in my "a little farther north" Southern state where folks at the bank wish me a nice day and actually mean it, the door is opened for me even though I don't need it, and folks are genuinely a little nicer than everywhere else.
It's good to be back