Monday, January 23, 2012

Pick Your Poison

If sending off your significant other to another state weren't enough, I have been sick for over a week. It's one of those sneaky illnesses that I am starting to hate. It is a combination of extreme exhaustion, dry scratchy throat, loss of voice and insomnia. If the CIA put it out, I might have to go postal because it is driving me crazy and apparently there is no cure but to drug myself to the hilt and wait it out.

My pick of poison has been Nyquil. This is dangerous medicine coyly packaged in an innocent little bottle, but Nyquil is the devil in liquid form. Firstly, I don't like the taste of the stuff. It's plain out nastiness in the color green. I psych myself up to toss it back like a cow poke in an oldy western. I've gotten so good at slinging back these shots, I'd make John Wayne proud. Once it's down my throat, the dregs I sip out of the bottom of the cup are practically tasteless. Amazing how that two tablespoons of Nyquil can burn all the way down to my stomach more effectively than whiskey (not that I would know).

Nyquil claims to be only 10% alcohol. I laugh. I swear that stuff is 90 proof. In one gulp I am off in a wistful happy land and my hangover in the morning is worthy of YouTube fame. Apparently, for never being a drinker, I don't hold my alcohol very well. This comes as no surprise, which is why I have come up with a few ground rules in my swigging. It is not good to stagger into the kitchen, open the medicine cabinet, blindly grab the bottle and kick back a gulp without measuring. I've done this way too many times and at some point I'd think I'd learn that 1am binges are not good. Especially since I gulp down how much my head thinks it needs and not what is actually recommended. Memory loss and hallucinations are common.

So, while I am still sick and hating it with all my heart, I have decided that it is not horrible to have Nyquil running through my veins instead of blood. Worse things could happen, like... well, a very costly online purchase. There should be a warning label on the bottle to not mix Nyquil with the internet ESPECIALLY if you have your credit card memorized. Very bad. I didn't remember hitting send, but boy did I ever! Thank goodness returns were free.

Anyway, it's getting close to drugging time. I bid thee all farewell. In a few minutes, I won't know my own name and will be drifting off into happy land where clear lungs and actual breathing are made into reality.

No comments:

Post a Comment