Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Homebound Huff

There is something about selling my house that has me getting my mama bear on. As in, grouch city. I love my realtor and I think she works hard for me. My beef is with her assistant.

After a group of showings, Miss Assistant calls to tell me the feed back on my house. I know she means well, but the lady only tells me what I already know. My house has only two bedrooms. Thanks, for telling me. I had no clue that my mysteriously disappearing third bedroom was a figment of my imagination.

This seems to be the only thing wrong with my house. It has two bedrooms and is a true two bed to boot. There is no den or office to be converted into a man cave, a nursery, or padded room so the neighbors don't ask questions. What I want to know, is WHY these people who make me clean my house and disappear with two rowdy boys and a diva dog CAN'T read the specs on my house that YES, there are only two bedrooms and therefore if you are looking for a third IT AIN'T HAPPENING! After 15 showings you'd think somebody somewhere would have a light-bulb moment and realize that if it says two bedroom, that by golly they might want to look at another house that has three. Yes, THREE bedroom folks. If you need that extra room, then you should ask to see that extra room and let me stay in my messy two bed house in peace.

I need to get back to my zen. My two bedroom zen, but I am finding it difficult. I had to take the dog with me for the last showing (as always) and she was irritable. She doesn't like her afternoon nap disrupted. When she gets like that, she usually punishes me by chewing on my car seats, her leash and the back of my arm. By the time she had worked up my arm and started in on licking the skin off my neck, I'd had enough and I swatted her nose away and yelled at her to leave me the heck alone. Brit brought out diva weapon number two, which was to jump back like I'd tried to kill her and sprayed anal fluid all over the back of my car.

Have you ever smelled anal fluid? If you haven't, go stick your nose in liquid doggie poo and skunk spray and then splatter it all over a confined area you can't escape. It is that pleasant. I took Miss Diva Dog straight to the vet and had them bathe her and squeeze the rest of her anal fluids out her butt while I became the most vile person on earth and everyone I met kept a healthy, nose plugged distance.

So really, can you understand why I got a little short with Miss Assistant when she called to say that for showing numbers 12, 13, 14 AND 15 their only complaint was that I only have two bedrooms and therefore were not interested. No freaking kidding. I hadn't a damn clue.

The dog is scheduled for surgery on January 31st to remove her anal glands and that day can't come fast enough. In the meantime, I'm going to wander through my house and look for that third bedroom.

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