Saturday, December 31, 2011

Letters from the Sandman

Insomnia is a bitch.

Starting at 3am, I've found that when sleep eludes me and (un-amazingly) with a slumber depraved brain, I can only think of cuss words to write by 5. I wish I knew why my body does a screaming early morning wake up call. Usually I am not a morning person (OBVIOUSLY!) and could sleep til noon if given the chance. Motherhood is the root of the majority of my sleepless early mornings. My ears have been switched onto hyper-drive ever since my mini-men were babies. I am waiting for them to shut off somewhere short of ear plugs and noise canceling head phones.

On a happier note, I've found that in the wee hours of day things get monumentally funnier. George of the Jungle should only be viewed at 3am. It's a hilarious show. During the day on a sane brain, it is the dumbest film ever. Chocolate tastes better at 3am, music sounds better and I am infinitely more emotional. If anyone wants to see me blubber over You Tube vidoes of newborn kittens, I'll tape myself tomorrow morning.

I try not to wake the family in my half-asleep stumble around the house. The hubby takes to the couch which does nothing for my insomnia or his. Why he goes out there is baffling. Whether or not I roll over and pester him for a neck rub in bed or swear up a hissed, half-whispered storm when I stub my toe in the dark, I'm going to end up waking him no matter what, intentionally or otherwise. The only folks who can sleep through my hell are the boys and they aren't helpful at all. They like getting up early, which means I have a scant two hours to pull it together before they are using my stomach as a trampoline. Lucky bastards.

Anyway, if you are suffering from insomnia and need some things to do in the wee hours of the morning, here are some of my favorites:

Listen to:
Pink: F***** Perfect (awesome song and I love it)
For King and Country: Busted Heart (this song makes me kind of blubbery)
One Republic: Secrets
Lifehouse: Hanging By a Moment

Toast and honey
Nutella, straight out of the damn jar with a spoon and keep shoveling until you feel guilty.
Celery (why on earth this veggie tastes so good at 3am is beyond me, but it just is)

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte (Mr. Rochester's long running speeches become romanitc instead of seriously annoying)
Any Harry Potter book and start it right in the middle.
Twilight by Stephanie Meyers (Why the hell would I put my most hated book on the list? Because her horrific writing becomes engaging when I don't have to use my brain to read it)

George of the Jungle
You Tube's Kid History Episodes 1-7 (you will laugh until you snort and end up quoting it for weeks afterwards)
Andy Griffith (the cheesiness is well worth it)

And... when you are all done with the above mentioned, go back to bed wafting chocolate fumes to stare at the ceiling and wait for the sandman to come by for the second go round tonight.

Good Luck!

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