Monday, June 3, 2013

Magical Pee

I have a fantastic nine year old.  He is freckled, happy and brilliant (although, don't all moms feel that way about their kids?!?!).  By all counts he looks and acts like a normal boy, but my kid is special.

My son has magical pee.

It only shows up when he needs to get out of something.  I'll ask him to bring up his laundry from his room and VIOLA!!! "Mom! I've got to go pee."  He can magically disappear too because in our house he can sneak off to any number of bathrooms, do his business and then make his great escape without detection.  On my end, if the request begins with "Darling, can you...?"  or "I could use a little help with..."  or "Hey! Go grab..." the boy is doing the pee pee dance as if his eyes will turn yellow if he doesn't go right that minute.   The magical word is "work" and the rabbit out of the hat is the sudden filling of the bladder.

I wonder if I should take him to the doctor?  I'll just sit him down and tell the pediatrician that my son has problems.  What kind of problems?  Well, the kid only does his business on cue.  Is that a problem?  Yes, doc, it is a problem!  The only time he needs to go is when I need him to get things done around the house!  (it'd be just my luck that she'll hand out chill pills to me and check off on his chart that "mom is a little nuts")

I have tested my theory of the magical pee problem.  After breakfast on Saturday, I watched him hop off the stool at the counter, saunter into the bathroom at the end of the hall and shut the door.  I didn't put my ear to the door to find out exactly what was going down, but there was a flush and a wash, so I ASSUME something bathroom-ish was happening.  When he sauntered back, I casually put my hand on his shoulder (it stops sudden escape) and asked him to help his brother empty the dishwasher.


Full bladder!

Boy: I gotta go, mom!

Me: No, you don't.  You just went.

Boy: But I didn't do ALL of my business (rolls eyes like I'm being stupid).

Me: Uh huh.  How about you hold it and empty the dishwasher first.

Boy: But I can't hold it!

Me: Well, you better hurry and put the forks away beofre you make a mess.

Boy: MOM!!!

There is always a curse inflected into my name at the end of these conversations.  What's interesting is how he must think I am a complete dunce and haven't figured out what is going on here.

Bless that child.  I sure love that kid.  Even though he does have magic pee.

No comments:

Post a Comment