Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Chicken Dinner

I like chicken.  I like eating it and I cannot lie.  I have a dog who likes chicken too.  She likes eating them and chasing them and coughing up feathers when she is done with them.  Normally this is not a problem.  I don't own chickens.

My neighbors do.

THIS is a problem. 

Normally I have Miss Doggie Pants on a leash.  It's the city and I get overprotective like that.  However I think that my own back yard is fair game for her.  She can run and go crazy in it all she likes.  It's her yard.  So, in saying that, I would think that when I am running out the door to put Doggie in her kennel that I shouldn't have to leash her.  It's my own back yard after all.  The missing factor seems to be that it was Doggie's lucky day and three of my neighbor's chickens were laying down destruction on my landscaping.

According to the dog drool, the perked ears, muscle tension and the way she became a fluid black and white blur, I am CERTAIN that the only thought on her mind was... CHICKEN FREAKING DINNER!!!!

As for the chickens; they are stupid.  They are so tame, they welcomed my dog with open wings.  Who knew that the spotted furry bullet shooting towards them didn't want a hug??  And why does her kisses feel like biting?  Stupid bleeping chickens!

A Kodak moment followed where I wrestled my dog to the ground, separated her from her tasty morsel amid feathers and what not.  To Miss Doggie Pants credit, she very obediently came when I called her... right before she blew a fuze in her brain trying to compute why she couldn't eat fresh chicken.

Now I am faced with a dilemma.  What do I say to the neighbors?  The last thing I want is hard feelings, but in my heart of hearts I am DYING to say... "Hi, I just wanted to let you know that your very brainless chickens have a death wish.  They tried to commit suicide in my yard yesterday morning and I find this disturbing.  Their brush with death was stopped miraculously, but I have a feeling that the next time they are feeling depressed, they won't get off so easily.  Have a nice day!"  That is the nice version.  The mean version goes more like this... "I have a BIRD DOG.  Read my lips.  She was bred to HUNT BIRDS.  When your chickens come into MY yard, they will become DINNER."

Wish me luck.  Today, I get to go and blow all kind neighborliness to hell.


  1. Hmmmm... Poor MDP. And poor chix. We have assorted chickens, ducks, geese, & other sundry fowl here on da farm. We also have a 1/2 pit-bull & a dog w/ definite bird dog ancestry. Even though I feed my dogs a bones-and-raw-food diet, they leave the live birds alone (the geese, however, don't have the same live-and-let-live philosophy. They're just *mean.* Even the dogs don't give them any guff).

    It's our neighbor's Samoyeds that kill my birds. They come onto my property, into my yard, and attack my birds with gleeful abandon. Kind of like rednecks armed with rifles turned loose at a petting zoo. Some species just won't ever learn to get along. Here's hoping you and your neighbors can work it out. (Don't burn any bridges -- maybe you can negotiate some fresh eggs in return for, you know, not killing their birds!)

  2. Oh, my dear! Deep breaths! You can do it. Ahh, dogs make life fun. Okay, I have to go and read my weekly kernel journal. Yeah...you read that right. *sigh*