Sunday, January 8, 2012

You put that Tampon WHERE???

It's hard to have a blog and remain vague. Anyone who reads it will get board pretty quick unless they are well acquainted with my life and all the goings on in it.

I will endeavor to be less vague.

I have a good friend named Allison. Trust me, it is weird when we get together and I am chatting up a storm with a gal who I call by my own name. It's a good thing we look nothing alike or I'd start worrying that I was going nutty and talking to myself in the mirror.

This pal, Allison is a funny lady. I don't think she has a serious bone in her body and I take my physical health in my hands if I do something as simple as eat and be near her. Choking is a hazard as well as fluids being snorted out my nose. In rare moments I think I am safe from her hilarity and I get proven sorely wrong. She is a sneaky devil.

Regardless, Allison and I went to go see Tintin at the theater with our boys (who all get along famously). I would think that sitting in a dark room with movie trailers booming over the speakers would render her under the category of "harmless". It doesn't. She leans over and says:

"Damn, the sound in this place is freaking loud. It's going to blast out my eardrums." (or something along those lines because I am only getting snippets through the explosions and emotional music of the Red Tails trailer)

I reply very articulately with, "Uh huh."

She then leans in very close to my ear where I absolutely cannot miss a single word and says, "I was at a Justin Bieber concert once and I put tampons in my ears it was so loud."

What the hell?! "Why?" I say, because I am strangely unable to formulate anything more eloquent.

"It was freaking loud, that's why! I asked some strange fourteen year old girl for a tampon, broke it in half and stuffed the pieces in my ears."

To this, I am thinking that I don't have any tampons to offer her if she wanted one and wondering why she is telling me this all while laughing like a hyena. But, still, I am lacking on classic responses and I end up saying, "Didn't it make your ears itch?"

Yeah, I know. I am an idiot when it comes to unexpected conversations, but what the hell was I supposed to say??? "Did it work?" My mind was preoccupied with the mental image of a 40 year old woman asking a complete stranger for a tampon and then stuffing said tampon in her ears. Needless to say, the kids in front of me turned and gave me a glare for my very noisy snort laugh.

Ah, Allison. May your ears forever remain sensitive to loud noises!


  1. Hi Alyson -
    Just sent you an email to Ayesha Pande, re. a YA book we were discussing a little last year. Got back a sort of "automated" response... Anyway just checking you got the mail. I'm on darraghmcmanusATyahooDOTcom.

  2. Sorry, BTW please ignore the gmail address! It was the only way I could log on here to comment!