Monday, January 30, 2012

The Proverbial Looksie

The internet makes the world a small and claustrophobic place. I should know. My mom looked over my shoulder and scolded me 1300 miles away for my comments on Facebook.

I suppose I should say I don't care and shrug it off, but I have to admit, I am a little bothered. She raised a nice sweet girl who is no longer nice or sweet. In fact I think I dropped all pretense of sweetness after the birth of my second son and hit my stride about five years ago. I've been answering my boys question of "what's for dinner?" with "Monkey Brains and Maggots" since they were three. Now I go into detail of how to clean brains and maggots before boiling them with squid legs for their grossed out enjoyment. See? Not so sweet.

My language has turned salty. I can say this without much remorse because when my sons come home from school hand me a note from the teacher, some choice words come to mind. Usually, notes like these are not good, but when it says that they are "concerned about your son's lack of enthusiasm for learning plant biology despite his straight A's", I have to admit, only cuss words come to mind. I commiserate with my sons. I had days like that growing up and I definitely wasn't equipped with the vocabulary. Besides, plant biology isn't all that interesting anyway.

When God was doling out personalities, he turned his back for a second and the devil shoveled in a heaping dose of sarcasm on me. Trust me when I say, I rarely have a day where a snarky thought has not crossed my mind. It's hard not to when drivers here in the mid-west can't seem to go on a green or run outside and look for a funnel cloud when tornado sirens go off. They beg to be mocked.

So, as I sit here this morning and think over the past thirty some odd years of my life, it is fascinating to review how I went from a sweet little girl to a somewhat crusty woman. I still cross my ankles and keep my knees together when I sit. I don't ever do anything socially unacceptable in public (burp, fart or other such nonsense). I wouldn't be caught dead passing on the opportunity to say thanks or smile at a stranger. However, catch me behind a teen girl at a green light texting her BFF and you might hear a very audible "damn it!"

I hear old ladies really cut loose in their old age. I am so looking forward to it.

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