Monday, October 17, 2011

The Stench of Sisterhood

I am blessed with five older sisters. Each one is individual, educated, and totally nuts. I like it this way. Makes me feel somewhat normal... if I were the normal kind, but I'm not.

My sister, Valerie is eighteen months older than I am and as we were growing up she was my protector, my guide and a lot of other things. Mainly she didn't let me get away with squat. Val was the strong one of the bunch. She could kick farther, jump higher, and run faster than I could (I'm not the competitive type so it was fine by me). And she hated boys. I mean the all-out, boys are smelly, rude and a waste of time kind of hate and she loved to rub it in that she was smarter and stronger than they were... not to mention that she is really pretty too (blonde hair, blue-eyed bombshell gorgeous).

I was kind of a sucker for boys, but this isn't about me. Val was special. By the time we attended college together, she had this thing she did to guys she thought were kind of dorky. She'd side up to them in the campus shuttle line, slip a massive SBD (Silent, But Deadly... gas, folks. Yes, I am talking about gas) then quietly slip away like nothing happened while everyone around the poor guy would glare daggers at his offensive smell. It was worth watching and strangely nobody suspected the lovely girl snickering off in the corner.

One particular afternoon after a long day at school, we were waiting for the campus shuttle and listening to a guy flirt shamelessly with this very beautiful girl. It was embarrassing to watch because it was plainly obvious that she wasn't that into him and he was laying it on way too thick. He was laughing too loud and frankly making a complete fool of himself. I was too tired to care, but Val couldn't let a good opportunity pass. She sided up to him, laid down the law and drifted off. The look on the girl's face was CLASSIC! It was sheer mortification and disgust all rolled into one perfect package.

My sister is awesome. She's married now (happily so) and has three boys (ironic, right?). Sometimes I wonder if she still makes strange men's lives miserable. I've never asked, but if she did, I'd be in heaven. You shouldn't squash that kind of awesome.


  1. The "Fart and Flee" huh? Great tactic! That's hilarious! What a cool sister you have!

  2. Thanks Raven! Craziness in siblings makes for a fantastic childhood.